I saw a tweet the other day about how everyone’s gotten meaner. Maybe that’s true. I don’t think the solution is focusing on it though. A way better move is to focus on the people and connections that uplift you.
We’ve gotten so good at sensing manipulation that we find it where it doesn’t even exist. Many people get on a platform and talk aobut “PR language,” love bombing, relationships, dating, personal brands, performative friendships and more. But what do we actually want?
If somebody compliments you, you wonder what they want. If someone is enthusiastic about you, they’re trying way too hard. If someone is kind to you, it feels inauthentic. Earnest acts are seen as cringe and to be cringe is “a fate worse than death.”
It can feel so briefly good to make the above observations. After all, you can’t be embarrased or “got” if you point and name, point and shame. Everyone’s a phony, everything is fake, everyone’s just the same old song in different keys. It’s comfort. “I knew it” So you never risk. You can’t tell the difference between earnestness and performance. It’s a fool’s errand to begin with because someone that wanted to break your trust and your heart will do so anyway if it is to be that way and the point that gets lost in all of this is that other people’s behavior is not something you can expect to reliably control. And so in entering any kind of partnership, platonic or romantic, you’re both assuming risk.
Risk involves vulnerability. Self-disclosure. A little pinch of self-awareness, and mild embarrassment. Inelegant, but beautiful. It’s good to cultivate discernment but far too many of us pull the filters too tight, believing nothing. If you believe nothing, you have nothing to lose. You’ll always maintain the upper hand in any situation. But what are you trying to win?
Everyone’s a cynic these days, but you don’t have to be.